Twenty-five things I've learned since my last birthday

I've openly regarded the last calendar year of my life as possibly the worst that I've faced. Twenty-five saw more time spent away from close family, the fizzling of a long-lasting relationship, loss, grief, and overall uncertainty. In a word, I'd say twenty-five just plain sucked. Though, that doesn't mean I stopped learning. In fact, I believe I learned more from April 2019 to April 2020 than I have since college! Here's twenty-six being bigger and better than the last! 

Now, If I sat and thought more about this, I could most likely list off so many more lessons, but I wanted to go with the ones that hit me in the gut as they came.

Life, especially now in these uncertain times, can really beat us down. I wanted to share my experiences with you, in an effort to spark some reflecting. Now's the perfect time to sit back and do a little self-discovery to perhaps realize there is a lesson in all that happens to us over the course of a lifetime. We never stop learning.

Most importantly, if you're struggling, you're not the only one... And the worst times do pass.

So, here goes nothing!

25. Losing weight is one-hundred percent based on will.

For the better part of my life, I've been inaccurately labelled "morbidly obese" by clinical chart standards. After stepping on a scale and being fed up by seeing the red block numbers of two-hundred and seventy pounds flash back at me, I finally decided to do something about it. Difference being, this time, I went about tackling this ongoing issue with an open mind. 

Forget a military diet. Forget about working out six days a week. I had tried it all and failed time, and time, and time again. Realistically, life should never feel so restricted. So, I was able to find an alternative; switching my whole way of thinking about the actual numbers the scale read. 

Like money, I only had a set number of calories to spend. Once they were gone for the day, no more food. Simple, right? I put my mind to this, took it serious, and used MyFitnessPal (an application hosted by Under Armour on my iPhone) to help keep me on track. With a set amount of calories allotted per day, a weekly goal, and some major will power, I was able to lose over seventy pounds! 

24. Self motivation is the only motivation.

During being twenty-five, I was able to discover that if I wanted things to change, it was up to me to make it happen. Nobody was going to be a bigger advocate for me than I could be for myself, and that was something I really let sink in. 

Who was going to save enough money to make a big move feasible? It was up to me. Who was going to help me lose weight once and for all? It was up to me. Who was going to change the way I felt about certain situations in my life? It was up to me. 

Often times, we only become truly self motivated in the most desperate of situations. This bums me out. I've tried to make it my mission to be consistently self motivated, even after completing goals. This continues to help me perpetually work towards getting where I am now and beyond.

23. To love is to let go.

No matter how it is sliced, letting go of something or someone you shared a deep connection with is really, really tough. Though, I learned that that's what situations can come to keep both parties healthy.

In the last year, I went from proposing and becoming engaged to a seven-year partner, to separating from that same partner five months later, and then finding myself in a totally new relationship four months after that! For me, it was like experiencing multiple years of strong emotions crammed into one stretch of just twelve months. 

Instead of dwelling on the negatives, in the end, I found that it was time to let go and explore a different path for both my former partner and I. It was letting go that would be healthiest for both of us, regardless of who was more ready than who at the time. 

22. Discovering my lowest mental point and what that meant.

I figured I'd never reach a point in my life that I'd consider rock bottom. I don't use recreational drugs of any kind, I don't consume alcohol, and have no real vices. This definitely created a sense of immunity to the possibility of experiencing the lowest of my lows. So, I was highly unprepared for the landing when I found myself there over the summer of last year. 

I can vividly remember times where I sat on my couch in the living room of my apartment, just staring at the wall with my mind collapsing inside of me. I didn't know who I was or how I got there, so filled with self doubt. That's never been who I am, as it takes a lot to phase me. I was knocked on my ass and humbled, undoubtedly so. 

Learning this was one of the hardest parts of twenty-five. My rock bottom taught me what it was to fight on and avoid spiraling... Or in other words, what to mentally focus on and what to block out in those intense inner-emotional situations. This ability wouldn't have been anything I was familiar with in times before. I had to see my rock bottom to learn from it, and guarantee I'd never visit that place again. 

21. Running from the past is harder than embracing it.

To put it simply, when I look back, I used to hate who I was in middle and high school. I pretended to be someone I wasn't and created a persona to blend in. For years, I buried these memories from that time in my life down deep, lumping in people who I met and got to know then right down with them. 

This was a major burden, though. In between the parts that made me cringe, were memories and people I really loved and missed. It took me until twenty-five to learn that just because I wasn't true to myself then, doesn't mean that the people I've tried to forget hadn't been true to me. It's a fact that hurts to accept, but it's the truth. I pushed people away who didn't deserve it.

Now, I've come to accept who I was and decided to be. I was that person. I did fall into those crowds. And you know what? Each steps I took, including the missteps, got me to exactly where I'm at, here at twenty-six. Besides, we all have those silly phases of self ignorance growing up! 

20. True friends have a place in your life, past or present. 

Drifting from people is only natural. As we continue to grow into the person we're going to become, faces come and go. Yet, letting real friendships dissipate is one of the biggest mistakes I think I've made in my life. There are plenty of people I shared so many great memories with, that I stepped away from. 

Addressing my past helped me to see these people for who they were, in regards to my life, and not the times I associated them with. In hindsight, I wish I could go back and keep a foundation with a few real friends I lost along the way, because they deserved it. 

Over the last year, I have made a real effort to reestablish some of the relationships that have crumbled between me and others. I only plan to build on these moving forward. I miss a lot of my old friends and come to find out, they missed me! I've learned that life is too short to waste with letting the simplicity of time come between true friends. 

19. Taking unmarked time is absolutely essential. 

Unmarked, me-time meant so much to me during twenty-five. My go-to has been a four-mile casual walk. It gives me about two solid hours of being out in the world, whether it be right after work or late at night. I just throw my headphones in and walk to forget life for a bit. 

Being physically active also plays a part in this release, especially if I've felt sluggish. My specifically tailored me-time has changed the way I process and handle overwhelming emotions, too. During this ever-changing period, I have found walking detrimental to staying emotionally up, capturing that two hour block of time and using it to its full potential.

I'm able to refresh and recharge and I'm so thankful to have that tool in my toolshed to call on when really needed. Taking unmarked time seriously, where I don't need to know anything going on but myself and my inner center, has been one of the highlights of twenty-five. 

18. Living heroes are important.

Most of my heroes only survive through the legacy they left behind. Their stories have been milled over time and time again. So, for me, it's sometimes hard to find inspiration from those who have a clearly defined amount of existence and that's it. I love them all, but they can all only take me so far.

Living a stone's throw away from the Space Coast has only enhanced my wonder of space and man's purpose on Earth. Hence, enter the inventive, ingenious, enigma who is Elon Musk. Musk totally captured my imagination during twenty-five. He continues to supersede anything accomplished by our own NASA teams in the last twenty or thirty years. As a private entity, that's impressive. 

I find the work Musk has done in the last five years alone to be wildly heroic for humans as a species. Granted, he's a little eccentric, but what person who changed the world wasn't? That's how I've chosen to lay my life out; at the whims of my passions and to hell with what people think! 

17. Money comes and goes.

My whole life, I've worried about money. How much do I have? How much do I need? What is my financial five-year-plan? During twenty-five, I learned that that way of thinking can be subconsciously dangerous. Constantly worrying about what comes in and what goes out had definitely taken away from me living my life. 

Now don't get me wrong, I've always been a planner and a saver and by all means, still am. The only difference being, this past year, I've worked fun into my financial planning. Gone are the days of "No, we can't. I don't have the money." Instead of splurging on larger purchases, I've been in favor of spreading my spending out a bit more evenly. 

This means, instead of buying a custom-made arcade machine like I did in 2018, I bought a Walt Disney World parks pass in 2019. It's the money that keeps on spending! Also, I want to fill space outside my own space and that has been a goal set for twenty-six and beyond. With a financially stable job and some responsibility, I look forward to spending out and about! 

16. When feeling lost, it's best to focus on the now.

With a mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder and being an over-thinker, I often find myself feeling lost with my position in life. Am I where I want to be? What should my next five steps consist of? Who am I and who do I want to be a year from now? These feelings and the pressure of crafting a perfectly laid path for myself can be overwhelming. The sense of being lost can quickly cripple me in mind and motivation...

Since my last birthday, I have been able to readjust my focus as needed. When times call for planning ahead, of course I do so. But, when I'm blowing a situation out of proportion that, most times, hasn't even happened yet, I've come to rationalize that none of it really matters right here, right now. 

You know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men, anyway! That saying couldn't have rang out any louder this past year. I've spent a decade planning for where I got to in 2019, only for things to drastically change a few months into the year. The future will come and we can't plan for it, which really scares me. Though, I also now know that I must be prepared to adapt, relax, and take things day-by-day.

15. The world doesn't owe me, I owe it.

One creed I've always kind of lived by was reinforced during twenty-five. That being; The world owes us absolutely nothing. Our life is what we make it, good or bad. Excuses are cheap and realistically, you owe yourself to life for all that it provides for you daily. 

That awesome sunset you see on a drive home? You owe for it. The delicious smell of freshly cut grass? You owe for it. Having a life that is happy, healthy, and full? You owe for it. Nothing should be taken for granted and spreading the same good fortune that comes your way, regardless of amount or lack thereof, should be reciprocated. 

Take that dollar out of your pocket and give it to the homeless person, regardless of his true purchase intentions. If it makes him happy, consider it as paying the world back. Someone has a story to share that you're not all that interested in? Sit and listen, because you owe it to the world for how happy it has made you. Kindness goes a long way and the world could use a lot, lot more of it. 

14. Hobbies supplement the need of feeling accomplished.

As a perfectionist and someone who really just doesn't like to feel plateaued, it's been very important to explore passion projects during twenty-five. Writing has been a savior since middle school and I put in more blog entries this year than I have in the last three years combined. It has been awesome to rediscover the use of positive outlets to express and expunge built up emotion, feeling, and pressure. 

I also recognize publishing pieces, or getting another podcast episode in the can as a nice boost to my unquenchable need to feel a sense of accomplishment in daily life. To motivate myself and stay ahead, it's paramount that I complete goals every day. 

I've contributed to an underground podcast constantly for over two years without missing a weekly release, even during some of the most turbulent times of my life, making me feel super proud and most importantly, like I've accomplished something. Shout out to hobbies for that! 

13. I can't be the hero in every story.

What a hard pill to swallow... I always try and put my best foot forward to be seen as a good guy. I live by that as much as I possibly can. I'd hope most people in my life agree and deep down, I know that I'm a good person. Really, that's all that matters.

Unfortunately, I can't be a "good guy" in everybody's life story. It's impossible and to think any differently could drive someone crazy. People have turned their nose up at many decisions I've made in the last year and ultimately, turned their back on me. I let that nearly ruin me.

But, during twenty-five, I learned that there's nothing I can do to change someone else's story narrative, except continue to be the very best I can be. Most times, they don't know your whole story. So, I learned that I shouldn't get caught up with my position in theirs. I've stopped investing time, energy, and effort into being a Batman for the Jokers out there who laugh at every move I've made in the last year. 

12. Family pillars are irreplaceable. 

I think the true strength of a man lies within the family he leaves behind upon death. Family pillars, such as a grandfather, grandmother, great aunt, great uncle, mother, or father are absolutely irreplaceable. No one will ever again fill those shoes once they are forever taken off and put away. 

This year, my grandmother lost a husband, my mother lost a step-father, and I lost a role model. My grandfather, Papa, Robert Watson, meant a whole lot to a lot of different people. He represented pride, conviction, and a dynamite sense of humor. 

I was completely honored and humbled to be asked to write and read my own personal eulogy to my grandfather at the witness of all who loved and knew him. I respected the man that he was and learned to recognize the importance and weight that men and women who fill these pillar roles face. It's they who keep families healthy, strong, and ultimately together. Miss you, Pop! 

11. Adventures move you forward.

Being on a world adventure is like ice cold water for a parched spirit. In the past, I let excuses get in the way of adventure and have really learned to let those go. Planning vacations, going on long road trips, escaping on spontaneous getaways, or deciding to go to the beach on a weeknight have reignited me. 

I've learned that there's more to life than what the closest twenty mile radius can provide, whether I live in Orlando or Omaha. It's up to me to go out and see or experience things that I otherwise wouldn't. 

I hope to do even more exploring (at the cost of my wallet's comfort) at twenty-six and beyond. These opportunities also give me something to look forward to as a special break from the everyday norm. You can't put a price on that! 

10. Negative thoughts are real.

During twenty-five, I had a hell of a time with self-doubt, self-loathing, and all around depression. Feeling like I've failed or disappointed myself or others is something that can quickly ruin a day for me entirely. I keep a lot of pressure on myself and hold myself up to a high standard, which can be a blessing and a curse.

In the last year, I allowed people to speak and say things to me that I let soak in and bring me down. This was the first real experience I've had with accepting negativity, because otherwise, I've been able to block it out my whole life. What people said never mattered to me, because they didn't understand. I lost sight of that in a big, big way. 

Since turning twenty-six, I've began to bounce back from this rough patch of letting people tell me who and what I was. Those days are gone once again and so is the vulnerable state I was in. I know who I am and who I've always been and being back, standing straight up on my own two feet, feels damn good. 

9. Holding on to bitterness is truly exhausting.

During twenty-five, I learned that bitterness can drag you to your knees if you let it. It's not as heavy as hate, but just as damaging physically and emotionally. I've been bitter at myself and others at certain points in the last year and I've learned that it just wasn't worth it.

The only person really experiencing or being effected by your bitterness, is you. Putting myself through added agony by holding on to bitterness was a shame because It was only another hurdle I put in my own path. 

At one point, I was bitter at my parents for doubting who I was and always have been, my ex-fiance for doing things to spite me, friends for completely alienating me, and myself for letting my guard down and making certain poor decisions. I'm glad I've been able to let these things either fizzle and fade or turn around complete to further focus on more of the good and worthy in my life. The opinions of many are no longer my concern and there's no reason to hold any bitterness against them. 

8. Warmth goes such a long way. 

Empathy continues to slowly disappear from our world. Recognizing someone's struggle is one thing; but reaching beyond that and trying to aid someone in any small way you can is something else entirely. I've learned to incorporate more warmth in my life, by sharing it with others who could really use it.

I have always taken great pride in being a sounding board for people I care about in my life. Being a listening ear for someone to vent and providing insight when appropriate is something I take very seriously. Being that person for people means just as much to me as it does them, to instill that trust in me. I don't take it lightly. 

Also, I've made a point to give my time or a little bit of money to those that are less fortunate than me. Falling on hard times sucks, but I can't imagine having to live on the streets. So, whether they're drunk and going to buy more booze, or need a meal and someone to chat with for a few minutes, I can recognize that. People are people with feelings. Human. And a couple of bucks and minutes of smiles and stories goes a long way. I've learned during twenty-five that warmth brings warmth.

7. Taking responsibility is the best policy. 

Shifting blame is so lame. It's best to just own your shit, good or bad. Take pride in your work, instead of trying to make your load lighter by shifting things onto someone else. If you screwed up, face it and make it known. Taking responsibility is the best policy, period.

During twenty-five, I've learned that nothing gets under my skin more than people who can't take a minute of the heat before looking for a shift through blames and excuses. Any time I've dropped the ball, I've decided that it's much less cowardly to just take the fall and accept the responsibility of it.

These days, people are so fragile. Most choose to take the easy road instead of tackling things head-on and I've experienced that more in the last year than any other time that I can remember. Just do the work. Own it. Be about it. 

6. Where you live plays a large part in daily happiness.

It isn't hard to grasp that when you live in a beautiful place, it's hard to hate your situation. I am grateful, aside from being away from family, for living in Orlando. Facing what I have in the last year, but having so much fun things to do and see around me everyday, with a warm, bright sun shining down, has made the world of difference. 

I don't plan on living in Florida the rest of my life, but I think these times and experiences I've had since moving here two years ago have helped further me as an individual. Nature has become more of a staple in my life, and I have visited so many cool places. 

Getting up and going to work, the daily grind, sucks. But, with beautiful weather, Disney World in my backyard, and some great local food makes it all worthwhile. Shout out to you, Orlando!

5. Change isn't as scary as failure.

I've also learned that change is hard, but failure is harder. I'd rather be forced to change, ten times out of ten, before I failed. For me, change played a big part in my twenty-fifth year of life. I changed relationships, living situations, eating habits, and style choices. 

Change is natural, healthy, and should be faced chest out and chin up. Change no longer scares me, but motivates me to adapt and face whatever life throws at me. Oppositely, failure has such a negative connotation to it. Change only has a stigma. 

Failure happens, but change gives you a chance to dodge it. I've learned that if I'm facing failure, it's time to switch things up and move forward. So, bring it on! 

4. Exclusivity breeds loneliness.

Playing my cards close to the chest has its benefits and drawbacks during twenty-five. I've always made an effort to be a private person, keeping the outside world at an arm's length. Trust is a big thing for me and I still firmly believe in it needing to be earned over being given.

With that mindset, I've learned that a sense of loneliness definitely develops through this mindset to a certain extent. For example, I've kept my social media reach to a minimum, keeping only essential people on the inside. I kept my life closed and outsiders away. This is something that I've really opened my eyes to in the last year.

I have slowly let go of my exclusive grip, letting others share my life a bit more. I want to be more open and willing to trust people around me, as everybody should be considered innocent until proven guilty. I've really worked to bring certain walls down that I've kept up for far too long. 

3. Social media breaks are a thing. 

I used to mock those who felt the need to "unplug" for a bit here and there online. Does it really do anything? Or is it more of an attention thing? Well, during twenty-five, I found out first-hand that it's definitely a thing and it definitely helps.

Social media breaks are actually surprisingly freeing, as long as you're not cheating yourself. If you're going to do it, do it all the way. Delete the apps, give yourself two weeks or a month, and just take a break. At one point during twenty-five, I decided to give it a try and I'm sure it'll be a tool I'll use in the future. 

Being offline helps you regain control of yourself and your emotions without any outside interference or distractions. In dire situations, there can be a very real need for exactly that. 

2. New foods introduce new favorites

I've often described myself as a somewhat picky eater. Up until about five years ago, there was a large plethora of foods I wouldn't eat and would even refuse to try. Anything from salads to seafood would be covered under the "No, thank you." section of menu items.

Man, If I could go back and enjoy then what I enjoy now, I absolutely would! For one, during twenty-five, I gave tofu a real first chance. Now, it is almost a go-to for me at Asian restaurants... Not before I have myself a delicious ginger salad, though! 

If there are food items to try, try them. So many food items have become favorites that I would've never thought possible before! 

1. Pictures last far longer than memories.

After basically landing on my head for fun on the weekends for the better part of a decade, my memory is pretty shot. I have a really hard time remembering things, big or small, from all parts of life. Some stories people bring up vividly, I have no memory of at all. 

It's scary, but makes me charish photos so much more than before. Now, I'm constantly looking for photos from days gone by, as that's where memories truly live as they were, when they were. I've made it a point to ramp up my picture taking on trips or with loved ones, especially. 

I haven't been a big picture taker in the past, but as I get older, I know I'll regret the times that I passed up on taking a photo. I love life, have stood by my choices, and ultimately want to remember as much of it as I can for as long as I can! 

A week into my twenty-sixth year, I look forward to what this next year holds in store for me. I have my health and continue to chase my happiness. 

Thanks to all who wished me well for my birthday! It means the most! 

- Austin