Late night thoughts, the monotony, and the future

For this entry, I figured I'd write out some of the life questions I've struggled with. This is one is for those late-night over-thinkers like me who go from hanging up with a loved one to rethinking your entire existence and current life situation. It sucks, but it happens to everyone, in some capacity. In order to deal with these episodes (that I've had my whole life, mind you), I'm going to attempt to explain the most common late-night thoughts that plague me, and how I attempt to talk myself through them... Especially at the least opportune time, usually around two in the morning, especially when tomorrow is going to be an early day at work!

Now, stick with me. This may jump around a bit. I made notes on what I wanted to write about last night, while I was experiencing an episode of existence questioning. Far out, right?

So, there have always been nights and times in life when I've felt as though I'm just spinning my wheels. Not that my life is at a stand-still, more of not really getting anywhere substantial. Though I'm constantly working, progressing my life, and striving to return to school, during these times, I feel pretty empty and unfulfilled. Almost pressed for time in life, even though I only twenty-two years old. Whether it is really late at night or at a fun family party, a great sense of somberness and loneliness sweeps me up. My mind wanders and I find myself lost in thoughts of long-term goals, grand aspirations, and the legacy I want to leave behind. Each time, the field that homes my dreams appears so vast, that all these things slip beyond the horizon, farther and farther into the hazy and undetermined distance. I become overwhelmed and disheartened. Sometimes, in extreme fits of overthinking, I feel like I'd be better off dropping everything I'm currently involved in in my life and starting new somewhere else. Thousands of miles away, if need be.

Then, all of this thinking leads me to some heavy questions... Is my life on the right path? Am I headed towards the future I envision, doing what I'm currently doing? Am I wasting my time?

So, what is the solution? What remedies such questioning at two in the morning or while your sitting with friends? Instead of letting it completely ruin me, I've come to the conclusion that, sometimes (especially times of overthinking and personal reflection), you just need to give yourself a pep-talk.

Is it a pessimistic, or a realistic way of thinking? I'm not exactly sure. The fact is, though, that everybody gets stuck in a rut or burned out from time to time. That may be where I'm at right now, or I'm just letting myself believe that. Whether that's true or not, it's crappy feeling. Life isn't so black and white, cut and dry. Which is why I'm able to transition my thinking and weather the storm as I try to look at things from the other side of the coin. 

Am I currently working a job that is going to change my life? Quite obviously, no! With careers, I've come to accept that only the truly lucky are privileged enough to work and be completely fulfilled, both emotionally and economically. Am I making a million dollars? Again, no. But, there is also room to expand and branch out. One can't be afraid to use their current position as a launching pad to something bigger and better somewhere else... And it is never too late to do so. At twenty-two, I still have plenty of wiggle room to hit my stride and work myself into a career that satisfies me and lives up to the very high expectations I've always set for myself. Am I driving the best vehicle? That one's laughable. I worry about being stuck on the side of the road everyday. However, building up my credit, though a slow process, is helping to resolve that. Am I living on my own? No, not yet. But, kicking back some money to my parents month to month as I continue to work towards saving my money and affording an apartment isn't so bad, either. Do I want to live in dreary Syracuse for the rest of my life. Not even remotely. But again, I have time. 

This brings me to the most important question of all, am I wasting my time? Finally, after sitting on the question for a few hours, I say no. The monotony of life is something we all must face. It is the human condition. Day after day of the same thing isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can certainly be frustrating. One should never become complacent. Always strive to be in a better life position. I think that is the hardest lesson of all to learn. We have time to do so. We have time to drive a better vehicle. We have time to fall into a better job. We have time to go back to school and get the degree you want. We are on the right life path, just currently taking baby steps. 

Instead of looking at your life years at a time, I have decided that I just have to learn to take life one day at a time. Over-concerning myself with my future will only cloud it. I have to learn to focus on the current, instead of trying to figure out how tomorrow will correlate with my life twenty years from now. Getting discouraged and overwhelmed by a future, whose ink isn't even dry yet, is silly. 

So, next time you or I overthink, we just have to think just a little farther. Life is about the here and now. We can never accurately prepare for what the future may hold in store for each of us. Being concerned with where you are headed is important, but shouldn't be the only thing that is. Relationships (with friends, family, and significant others), figuring life out, and reaching smaller goals are meant to be enjoyed now. Worry about the other stuff when you get there.
On the way to work tomorrow, I'll roll down the passenger window of my van (as the driver's side one doesn't go down), play some good music, and enjoy the ride with the bright sun and warm air on my skin.