I'm done.
 |
| Delete me. |
Where do I even begin?
Firstly, I virtually hate my job. As corporate America continues to rot from the inside out, I find myself in a constant struggle; Continue feeding the machine, or don't. The fact is folks, we're all replaceable in the job market. All the good you try to do in the workplace will either go unnoticed or taken advantage of. If you think you mean anything to the company you currently work for, you don't. As a matter of fact, if you speak your mind, even if that means dropping an entry into your online blog, plan on facing the repercussions.
With that said, if you feel that any business you're a customer for really appreciates you, you're wrong once more. You're a check to them. A means to earn a bonus, or a little extra coin in their pocket. They don't care about you, or what you bought, or how your day was, or if the food tastes okay, or if you had fun. They want your money. You're a dollar figure. How much can they drain out of you? Maybe if they keep it up, they can get more? It is all for one. Selfish and cold.
You see, real, honest, goodness in our capitalist society is gone.
It doesn't matter who you are, all that matters, is the money. The only reason a restaurant serves you quality food is because they want your money. They want you to return and tell your friends so they can make more money. The only reason the owner wishes you a good night after your meal, is because they want your money. Life is a business. People's actions, almost exclusively, are motivated by money. Especially where I live, in Upstate New York. You know why? Because there is not very much of it to go around here.
I want to move out of this state as soon as humanly possible.
I would confidently say, ninety of all people in a fifty to seventy-five mile radius of my exactly location as I lay on my bed in Liverpool, New York, are some of the lowest, vile, self-serving humans on the face of this earth. And, I really wish that was an exaggeration.
But, for most of that ninety-five percent, it isn't even their fault they're like that. It is the environment they've chosen to root their lives in. Not only are steady, well paying job opportunities so few and far between here, but we virtually have six months of winter, two months of rainy weather, and four months to actually attempt to enjoy the outdoors (if you can survive the mosquitoes). Such circumstances tend to create a perfect storm, explaining the bitterness of Upstate New Yorkers.
Really, they have ruined the entire state of New York for me in its entirety. The states greed and relentless attempts to screw the few good people left in it are also grounds for escape. And for those that the state continues to turn a blind eye and cater to, that have checked out one way or another, that live off welfare when they don't need to, or are the first to claim a disability suit so they get a free check every week are among the worst... Because, they're not really getting one over on "the man", they're taking advantage of people like me who get up everyday to go to a job they don't like, for a check that isn't great, to sustain a life that is subpar.
I'm sick of feeling that way.
So, I'm taking the necessary steps. The first being, social media. I'm done scrolling. Honestly, I care just as little as you do about my profile and what I post. Sometimes, posts feel like they're sent into dead air. Realistically, nothing posting online means anything. Attention spans these days are so short, I'd be shocked if ten people have even read this far. Not to mention, I have about four close friends, rendering roughly two hundred and twenty people currently on my Facebook friends list completely useless. Let's be real; You don't care about what goes on in my life, and I don't care about what goes on in yours.
Plan on seeing a lot less of the little you saw of me in the first place on social media. I need to focus on me from day to day. I don't want outside lives to be compared to mine, as I do it to myself more than I should as it is. The fact is, I'm a twenty-something kid with nothing but an associates degree and a dream to offer... Which, coincidentally, translates into not much.
In truth, I feel my potential to succeed slowly slipping away year after year.
It's crushing. As soon as you stop believing in yourself and the dream you've strived to develop, you're as good as dead. As school gets further and further away from me due to the lack of money, time, and motivation, my dream of making any sort of living out of the words I scribe and the feelings I look to evoke, slips into oblivion. That eats me up. Daily. I try and tell myself that these are just the stepping stone years of my life, but it's hard to convince a realist. Realistically, all the work I've produced thus far and will produce over the course of my lifetime will only amount to being a silly hobby. That infuriates me. Especially when it is really the only thing I truly enjoy and picture myself doing for the duration of my days.
So, what am I really saying?
I'm done. Delete me from social media if you're looking for insight into what my life is and becoming. I'm done with where I live, because I feel it's turning me into one of those bitter, vile people it is so proud and used to formulating. I'm done with my job, and am counting down the days I can be out of there. I'm done with people who are motivated by money. If you're addressing me politely only because it is in your job description or what society expects of you, don't. I'm done with spending time and energy on people, situations, and environments that simply don't deserve it.
Life and I are even.
There are no debts. It owes me nothing, and I expect that much. This is what I'm trying to make peace with. Living life day-to-day, for what it is. Regular 'nine-to-fivers', chained to minuscule responsibilities that mean very little in the grand scheme of things, make life a fun ride for everybody else.
Life being unfair is something I understand, so I don't need the daily reminders.
Call it sour grapes, bitching, moaning, complaining, or whatever else you will. I call it coming to grips with what life has dealt. I'm fortunate to have my health, a few loyal friends, and a girl that stands by me even during the darkest of my moods. We all weather this storm together.
With everything else...
I'm done.
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