Austin's Fatal Truth

  It's been awhile since the last time I really sat down and shared exactly where I'm at in life . Lately, I've just felt so disconnected, with time slipping away from me seemingly quicker and quicker. Maybe now is the perfect time to slow down just a long enough to catch my breath, formulate a somewhat reflective thought, and attempt to reconnect.

"Favorite Ghost"   fell hard for you still trying to get  back up you left me broken bare and I wonder am I even a passing memory? because to me it's still  so fresh the love forever  floating there I saved it  for you because you're my favorite ghost and if this is what they call heartbreak then it's yours that hurts the most

"Solely" fell into  the depths only to  emerge anew my strength  my rebirth lies alone  with you.

  "In Between" Where would I go? North or South? And in which direction? East or West? How could I? Without you in between? What would I know? From left to right? And how they differ? From up to down? How could I? Without you in between? Regardless what No matter when Despite where Forget how I am only able with you in between .

"Who?" The only one you can count on The only one you can trust The only one you can The only one you The only one The only Y O U

  "Hydration Potpourri" I love standing  on cold ceramic while the water is hot my condensation ecstasy I love standing on warm world while the rain is cold my precipitation serenity I love standing in mild mist while the vapor is thick my hydration potpourri  I love standing in medium mizzle while the air is thin my transpiration clarity I love standing in sultry shower while the drizzle is dreary because it cleanses me  

  "Problem" Problem is, I'm easily  distractible. Constantly seeking the attention of people who shouldn't fucking matter. Problem is, You're painfully un-subtractable.

"New Voicemail" groan after groan go ahead hang up that phone hear those clouds roll in hear those stars fall hear that world crumble but babe please don't let me listen alone

"This Fall" Leaves have changed And so have we Couldn't count the colors Beauty lost on me We've come so long Fought so hard I need to reconsider Clearing the yard This needs to work Because we're worth it Exactly the way we are We're perfect And if we shatter Both left scarred I won't give up, I promise To collect every shard Because I've chased you Through life's trees All our good times Can't be memories Winter's coming And summer has gone I've settled with the facts The conclusion I've drawn With the time that's passed Through life's seasons I'll always need you You're my reasons And after thinking Colors always fall in threes There's reds and yellows And there's you and me

  "Where I'm At" Maybe I'm depressed I'm spiraling Trying to smile through I think I'm making a mess Maybe it's just me I'm stressed With all these changes Feeling to an excess Maybe I'm just searching For answers I should avoid To questions I think I'm supposed to suppress And I confess I cannot blame you It's all gotten so crazy It's all so hard to digest And someday I hope we make it So we can look back At all our progress But, nonetheless I'm sorry I think It's just where I'm at

"The Canary" The Canary Who built her own cage around her Built it so strong Propped and polished  Until it became her home The Canary Who built her own cage around her Sang in her cage Precise and proud Until it became her prison The Canary Who built her own cage around her Remembered beyond it Far and infeasible Until it became her escape The Canary Opened her sunshine wings and soared Until gone was the cage that confined her

   In my experience, memories of a first love can be fickle. They seem to morph with the passage of time. Sometimes, the memories glow with pristine preservation. Sometimes, they wither and fade. For me, they often come in dreams. Nonetheless, they always tend to make me happy, reminding me of carefree days gone by.

With fatherhood only a few days away, I really wanted to sit down and take time to reflect on my life experience. How did I define fatherhood? What does being a dad actually look like? How does that relationship work? In order to answer those questions, I turned to the best example in my dad. The following is what I was able to come up with, plenty of thank-yous included. 

Man, life has been a rollercoaster in 2020. So much of our world has changed, seemingly never to really return to the way things used to be. As a regular working stiff, I wanted to weigh in on where I'm at through all of this and how COVID-19 has impacted my world lense.

I've openly regarded the last calendar year of my life as possibly the worst that I've faced. Twenty-five saw more time spent away from close family, the fizzling of a long-lasting relationship, loss, grief, and overall uncertainty. In a word, I'd say twenty-five just plain sucked. Though, that doesn't mean I stopped learning. In fact, I believe I learned more from April 2019 to April 2020 than I have since college! Here's twenty-six being bigger and better than the last!